It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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