She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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