He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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