Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
