UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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