Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
