I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
