Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize