Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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