So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
