Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
