Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
