If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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