Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
