I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
