you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
