The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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