Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
