You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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