none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
