How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
