Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
