I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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