I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
