i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
no, he came in my armpit
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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