don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
