She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
