Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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