I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
