I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Randomize
