I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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