The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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