im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
