I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
