My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
