I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
