I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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