why didn't you poke me back
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
