When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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