You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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