I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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