Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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