Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
