if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
