Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
