I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
