I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
