Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
