new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
