a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You made out with two different species that night
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
