Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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