Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
