It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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