Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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