just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
should my penis look like a turkey
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
