Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He felt like a one man threesome
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
