I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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