Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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