Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
