We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
