Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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