therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
